Zen Guide to Life by Maharishi Fattifatbastard  

♣ Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either,
just fuck off and leave me alone.

♣ The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre.

♣ The darkest hours come just before the dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the
time to do it.

♣ Sex is like air. It only becomes really important when you aren't getting any.

♣ Don't aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

♣ Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.

♣ Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

♣ If you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments

♣ Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes.

♣ If at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving.

♣ Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

♣ Have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? It was probably worth it.

♣ If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

♣ Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.

♣ Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

♣ Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.

♣ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

♣ A closed mouth gathers no feet.

♣ There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.

♣ Generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving.

♣ Never miss a good chance to shut up.

♣ Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

♣ When we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. From there on in, life gets worse

♣ The most wasted day of all is one in which we have not laughed.

Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.