What prevents men from being successful with
women?
Well, the list goes on and on... but one of the
elements that TOPS the list is FEAR.
There are many different situations that make
men feel fear, but I'd like to talk about some of
the most common ones... and what to do about them.
First of all, I'd like you to be honest for a
moment about this topic.
Do you ever feel FEAR when it comes to women
and dating?
Have you ever seen a woman that you'd really
like to meet, but you started to feel fear and
didn't do anything about it?
Or maybe you were on a date and you wanted to
kiss a woman... but you felt too afraid because
you didn't want to make a mistake and screw up
your chances?
Or maybe you even got a woman's phone number,
but you were too afraid to call back because you
didn't know how to start off the conversation or
ask her out?
Cummon, seriously...
Have you ever been sitting there with the phone
in your hand, dialing a woman's number, but you
had to hang up because you were just too nervous
to even talk to her...?
Or out on a date with a woman, and you wanted
to kiss her, but you got so nervous at the thought
that you just decided it would be better to forget
the whole idea and hope for the best...?
Me too. Many times, in fact.
By the way, it's not exactly FUN to admit that
you're afraid of things.
I'm sure you know that most guys would rather
admit in public that they were unsure about their
sexual orientation than that they were afraid of
women.
Of course, this unwillingness to admit that you
have a problem IN THE FIRST PLACE only makes
matters worse...
If you don't admit that you have the problem,
then it's hard to get help and answers to it.
Well, the good news is that you're not alone.
Almost every guy I've known (including myself)
has dealt with this issue MANY TIMES with women.
So, STEP 1 is to GET OVER IT. Get over your
need to deny that you're afraid. Just admit that
you're afraid, and come to grips with the fact
that you're human...
STEP 2 is to admit that you'd like to get this
particular area of your life handled.
STEP 3 is to DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Once you realize that it's not that big of a
deal, then the improvement can start. On the other
hand, if you just stay in denial about it, you'll
probably just look for new tricks and techniques
to use on women... which, of course, won't lead to
any REAL improvement.
I personally think that one of the biggest
causes of fear when it comes to situations with
women is:
PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON WHAT THE WOMAN
THINKS OF YOU AND WHAT HAPPENS IN THAT PARTICULAR
SITUATION.
To put it in different words, most guys don't
take action because they're afraid that they'll
screw up, or that the woman or others around will
judge them.
The REAL problem though is that this whole
process has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens
INSTANTLY the moment most guys see a woman that
they'd like to meet. Before they even have a
chance to think about the situation rationally,
they've become nervous, insecure, and upset.
I'm sure you know EXACTLY what I'm talking
about.
As humans, we have these incredible minds and
bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways
that aren't exactly useful for the situations that
we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our
cultures, families, or peer groups teach us ways
of thinking that just aren't useful at all for
what we'd like to accomplish.
Here's something that I realized a few years
ago when I was learning for myself how to be
successful with women...
I thought about this idea that I was having
this instant, automatic fear in different
situations with women, and that what I was really
thinking was "I don't want to screw this up" and
"I don't want her to think that I'm a dork"...
And all of a sudden something dawned on me:
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't
matter what she thinks of me.
I realized that the fears I was experiencing
were more from PROGRAMMING than from reality.
So, I started to remind myself as often as
possible that the fear wasn't happening because
there was any kind of danger... and that my
objective in a particular situation wasn't to have
it turn out perfect, IT WAS TO LEARN.
Think about the difference between doing
something because it's important vs. doing
something in order to LEARN.
So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I
wanted to meet... instead of thinking, "OK, I have
to say something charming and original so she'll
like me... and if I screw up I'm going to be
embarrassed" - I began to think things like, "I'm
going to learn how to get a woman's phone number
within a few minutes of meeting her... and part of
learning this is going to be trying a lot of
different things that probably aren't going to
work... but in the end, it's all going to even out
because I'm going to have the SKILL that I want."
See the difference?
Well, let me tell you, that change in attitude
made a HUGE impact on my success. I was willing to
do and try things that I never would have tried in
the past for fear of screwing up...
All because I had the attitude of "I'm going to
learn something from this and improve my skills...
and it doesn't matter what happens in THIS
PARTICULAR situation", I was able to improve very
rapidly.
And the more I began to apply this idea, the
more success I had in ALL areas with women... from
the first meeting, to getting them to go out with
me, to taking things to a physical level.
So do this:
Go out RIGHT NOW and start a conversation with
a woman.
I don't care if she's attractive or not.
But instead of having the objective of getting
a date, have the objective of LEARNING SOMETHING.
In fact, if you REALLY want to improve fast, go
spend a day starting conversations with women, but
make the commitment to NOT get any phone numbers
or dates all day.
In other words, no matter WHAT happens, you
can't date any of the women that you meet that
day.
See if you can just learn how to do a few
simple things like say, "Hi" to every woman that
walks by... how to maintain eye contact with women
until THEY look away... and how to end a
conversation "too soon" so she feels a natural
vacuum and tries to keep it going herself...
That's one good idea for dealing with your
fears.
P.P.S. If you'd like to send me a Success Story,
Question, or Comment, follow these guidelines:
1) Keep it short and to the point. Two paragraphs
max.
2) Tell me what's working for you before you ask
your question. I appreciate all of the "Your stuff
is great" and "I don't need to tell you how well
your stuff works" comments, but the fact is that I
DO need to hear all of the specifics... because
this helps other guys to see what's working in
different situations.
3) If you have a Success Story, write "Success
Story" in the subject line of the email. I read
these first.
4) At the end of the email, give me your initials
and tell me where you're from.
5) Send it to me at:
SuccessStories@DoubleYourDating.com
...don't just hit "reply" to this email.
Thanks!
